this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
