I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
