so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
