Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
