My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
