I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
