I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
