So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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