He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
are you so shy because you have an std?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
