no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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