I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
