GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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