I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Everything about him screamed your future.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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