In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
