I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
