i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
