allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nicole vs. Life
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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