Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize