I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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