when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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