your thong is hanging out like whoa
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
