I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
