You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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