My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
