There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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