So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize