yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
