My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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