He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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