you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
