Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
