when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
