Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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