What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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