Barsexuality is the new black.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
