Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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