I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
