i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
