Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize