I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
