12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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