Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
