So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
