I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
