I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
