i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
