i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
