I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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