I didn't shave. On purpose
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
