Your face is a jimmy john
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
