I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
