But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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