I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
