He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
