Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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