Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Life is so much better after having sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
