You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
