this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
