Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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