I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
