it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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