32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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