Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
