i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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