Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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