the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
