dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
