Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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