Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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