Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
