i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
