Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
