she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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