Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
