Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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