I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
