i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
