All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
