This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
