Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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